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luci-cunt · 4 years ago

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Pls tell us about the batshit dystopian trashfire xD

kajsd;flkadsj hello I love you so much (this is so long I’m so sorry I got excited XD)

ok so like, for the tiniest bit of context: this takes place quite a ways in the future, global warming has flooded the world and now it’s made up of 3 kinds of people: rich, poor, and pirates. The poor live in two kinds of cities:

“floating cities” aka massive boats that actually move around. The ppl who live on these usually fish for a living, or take up jobs scraping the bottom of the massive city/ maintaining the sunken part of the ship.

and “docks” aka grounded platforms built over now sunken mountains. These are mostly ppl who work by processing the fish/ goods the floating cities give them or mining/ scavenging.

These two have a symbiotic relationship and work together. Docks give fishers supplies they need like metal for hooks or ship repair stuff and the fishers give the Docks food/ deep sea supplies or transportation. Usually Docks and Floats will form highly exclusive relationships, i.e: one dock will only trade with one float and they do not get along with any other docks/ floats.

Rich people meanwhile live on “Sun Cities” which are actual ships that float in the sky and they do not interact with people on the surface other than deliverers (ppl, usually from Dock cities, that transport supplies up to the Sun Cities/ transport ppl down or up to them)

And finally the pirates, which are pretty self explanatory, they almost always take over any bits of land that survived and make their own little pirate towns.

With that all out of the way here’s another fun thing!!! So since everyone’s pretty broken up there’s not “government.” The individual cities kind of act like their own independent countries, with their own rules/ shit, so basically if you leave a city you’re in no-mans land where literally anything can happen with no consequences.

WHICH IS WHY!!!! The Hunts happen.

The Hunts are these big events usually held by pirates, who maintain massive “biomes” just for these purposes. Sometimes they’re sections of water or sometimes they’re islands. The hunts have varying rules but most of them go like this: there’s 1 Fox and 4 Hounds, the Hounds have to hunt the Fox while they try to complete various goals around the biome/ survive the Hounds hunting them. Goals are usually things like “find clues to uncover a trophy, then escape.” You can’t escape without this item also.

Most hunts are volunteer events, aka ppl choose to participate because you can win a fuck ton of money and respect from pirates if you win. Though--as a Hound if you win (by killing the Fox before they manage to escape with the item) you split the prize money 4 ways, but if you’re the Fox you get all the prize money, plus the trophy, PLUS the boat you escaped on.

Another thing: lots of people volunteer, so there’s a slim chance you’ll get to participate--but, if you forfeit your prize money you can be guaranteed a spot on the next Hunt.

Now, this has been mainly a pirate thing, but rich people got word of it and thought it sounded like fun, so now they hold an “Official Hunt” every year, with a massive money prize.

(this will all be important later, for now tho--)

Here’s some characters:

the MC: who I don’t have a name or gender for XDD so I’m just gonna call them MC. They live on a Float and work as a fisherman. They’re living with their father and sibling(?) [again sorry this is still very much in the workshop XDD I don’t know who these characters are for sure yet XD]. Their dad is kind of an asshole, but he’s also super old and basically helpless, so MC and their sibling work/ take care of him. MC’s sibling also works as one of the people who maintains the bottom of the boat, which is super dangerous so you get paid a lot of money to do it, so they’ve been fine so far. Unfortunately at the beginning of the story the Sib gets injured, and then fired, and MC’s fishing job will def not cover the medical bills for both Dad and Sib so--you guessed it--they apply for the “Official Hunt.”

Details on MC: they joined the Hunt one: because they want to help their sib but also two: because they want to rub a victory in their dad’s face. What I’m saying is: MC is not exactly heroic, they’re an asshole who saw and opportunity and took it and I love them.

Lynx: I also don’t have a gender for them, and they’re supposed to be pretty mysterious so all you need to know is that they’ve won the Official Hunt as a Hound 4 times in a row, and have always forfeited their money to be a Hound again the next year. They got the nickname “Lynx” because they’re really fucking good at hunting foxes and known for being merciless. They’re very tempered, barely says more than like, two words in casual conversation and doesn’t really like people.

Sabertooth: is like Lynx’s partner in crime--they’ve both won 4 hunts in a row and they’ve hunted on the same pack every year, but where Lynx is reserved ST is loud and arrogant. They like the spectacle of the Hunt almost more than the Hunt itself. Basically--they’re a fucking dick.

Anyways, since this is the “Official Hunt” there’s quite a bit more publicity that goes into it. There’s before and after-hunt interviews/ parties and a lot of rich people oogling over the contestants participating in pre-hunt games like sparring and even mock-hunts where actual foxes and hounds are brought in and given to the contestants and if one of the hounds kills a fox it’s like an omen. (This is also mostly just a way to show off how rich the hosts are, because non-aquatic animals are a luxury.)

Some things to note: there’s actually 2 hunts that happen at the same time during the “Official Hunt” so that if one hunt gets boring the viewers can move to the other hunt. The hunt also takes place on an island, with a big glass wall splitting it in half--one hunt on one side, and another on the other.

OK I’m so sorry for all this backstory here’s the actual plot akjdsf;lajsdflkj

(one last thing to know): The two foxes get to meet/ know who the other is, and the two packs get to meet/ know who they are from the beginning, but the packs and the foxes are kept separate, each having their own banquet thing, before there’s one big party where everyone is introduced and everyone learns which pack is assigned to which fox.

Which is why, MC--who’s not one for parties and is just annoyed by all the oogling rich people--slips out for some fresh air and finds a stranger. They chat a bit, find one another kind of interesting. The stranger asks MC why they chose to be a fox of all things, and MC explains that it’s mostly the money, but also--they’ve got a strategy and if they were a Hound it would just make their hands more bloody.

When the Strangers inquires about said strategy MC keeps it vague but basically says that there’s two kinds of people who Hunt as Hounds: 1. the greedy bastards who know playing the Hound is easier, and just want the money, and 2. the greedy bastards who like the thrill of the hunt and want the money, but also refuse to be prey. Both of these ppl are easy to manipulate, and so all MC has to do is convince at least one of them that if they murder their fellow hounds *before* they kill MC, they’ll get all the prize money to themself, and then MC only has to kill one Hound and escape.

But the Stranger points out there’s another type of person that choses Hound, and when MC asks what that is, they just walk off.

Queue the next day, aka the banquet where everyone finds out which pack is hunting which fox and we learn that Sabertooth and Lynx are going to be separated, with each getting their own pack to see who’s the superiors Hound.

This is also where MC realizes that Lynx--aka the bitch who’s been forfeiting all their money just for the chance to hunt over and over again--is the stranger they were talking to last night.

oops.

Luckily though, MC is assigned to Sabertooth’s pack, and MC’s pretty sure Lynx isn’t going to spill the beans about MC’s plan because they probably want to beat Sabertooth--hopefully.

alkjsd;flajksd this is so long so I’m gonna cut it here but yeah, shenaniganary happens :) XDD

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pogueman · 7 years ago

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Samsung's Bixby voice assistant is ambitious, powerful, and half-baked

yahoo

Can you imagine what it must have been like at Samsung when they came up with Bixby?

Manager: “OK, people. Apple (AAPL) has Siri, Google (GOOG, GOOGL) has its Assistant, Microsoft (MSFT) has Cortana. Amazon (AMZN) has that Alexa thing. We’re the only major player without a voice assistant!”

Underling 1: “But since our phones run Android, they already have Google Assistant built in. It wouldn’t make sense to create a second voice assistant on the same phone, would it?”

Underling 2: “Like that’s ever stopped us before? Samsung Reminders? Samsung Pay? Samsung Notes? HELLO?”

Manager: “Sheila’s right. I’m sick of being called a copycat company! We need to leapfrog the others! Our assistant won’t just tell you the weather and set alarms—ours will perform complete, multistep tasks!”

Second-in-command: “Cool! Yes! Like, ‘Send the last picture I took to my wife!’ Like ‘Take a selfie, apply the black-and-white filter, and post it to Instagram!'”

Manager: “And what’s more, we’ll someday expand this technology across the entire Samsung archipelago! It’ll be in our fridges! And washer-dryers! And cameras!”

Underling 1: “Um, but we have no experience with writing voice assistants. No database of voice samples. No voice-analysis experts.”

Manager: “Hey now, Ms. Doubty-Face. Let’s not stomp on my dreams. We’re going to write this thing, and what’s more, we’re going to have it done in time for the launch of our flagship Galaxy S8 phone!”

Underlings, together: “WHAAAAA—?”

You get the idea. From the beginning, Bixby (as the new voice assistant is bizarrely named) has been overly ambitious and underly polished.

It wasn’t ready in time for the Galaxy S8’s American launch. The phone comes with a dedicated Bixby button on the left edge, but for four months, it did absolutely nothing. (And when people tried to write hacks that assigned that button to do something, Samsung released a patch that blocked them.)

Well, Bixby is finally here. That Galaxy S8 button finally does something. Unfortunately, it’s not often what you want it to do.

After months of delay, Bixby is here.

How Bixby works

You can press the Bixby button as you issue your command, or you can speak hands-free by preceding each command with “Hi Bixby,” much as you can say “Hey Siri” or “OK Google.”

The training setup requires you to utter eight sentences, like “Hi Bixby,” “Hi Bixby, turn on Bluetooth,” “Health is always important,” and so on.

Now, you might assume that this unusually long training session will guarantee unusually good speech recognition. You’d be wrong.

Standard commands

The best way to show you how hit-or-miss Bixby’s performance is? Maybe it’s just to show you what you’d get if you could try it yourself.

Green means, “Bixby worked!” Blue means, “Bixby FAIL!”

Let’s start with the everyday commands, which your Apple or Android phone can already do:

Set an alarm for 7:30 a.m.

Open Settings.

Read my new messages.

What’s the weather? (Bixby: “Hmm, I can’t determine your current location.” The hilarious part is that the phone knows perfectly well my current location—which it displays just above the message saying that it doesn’t!)

You can’t determine the location? How about looking HALF AN INCH HIGHER ON THE SCREEN?

How many new emails do I have? (Bixby: “No problem. I’ve filtered the emails.” What?)

Send an email to Nicki about tomorrow’s lunch. (Bixby creates an outgoing email message, sure enough—but addresses it to “Nicki about tomorrow’s lunch.)

Create a new note called Rainy Day Activities. (It works—but the note is saved on the phone only, in a dedicated Samsung Notes app. The note doesn’t appear on the web or on any other machines, as it would if you used Siri or used Google Assistant.)

Add margarine to my Grocery List note.

Turn on “Do Not Disturb.”

Create an appointment for Friday at noon called “Fishing with Bob.” (Creates the appointment, but the title is only “Fishing.” Bob’s nowhere to be found.)

How many pictures did I take today? (Bixby: “OK! Let’s set up Samsung Health.” What the—??)

Tell me a joke. (Well, half credit. Bixby tells you a joke, but they’re terrible. “Who is Samsung’s favorite supehero? Super AMOLED!”)

Is a wombat a mammal? (Bixby hears, “Is a wombat a memo?” no matter how clearly, slowly, and repeatedly I asked. I already realize that a wombat is not a memo.)

When is the next Indians game? (Bixby displays only a link to the Major League Baseball schedule site, rather than showing the answer, as Siri does.)

Call Sarah.

Send a text to mom saying, “See you at Thanksgiving.”

What is Apple’s stock price? (Bixby displays a paragraph about Apple from Wikipedia—no mention of its stock price.)

What’s a 17% tip on $42? (Bixby displays links to online tip calculators. Siri and Google display the answer.)

Bixby is especially pathetic when it comes to navigation.

What pizza places are nearby? (Bixby: “Looks like there’s a connection problem.”)

Find me an Italian restaurant nearby. (Bixby opens Google Maps—promising!—but then stops, saying, “It looks like we experienced a slight hiccup.”)

Give me directions to JFK airport. (Bixby: “Which one?”)

Give me directions to the Empire State Building. (The “slight hiccup” error message appears after 10 seconds.)

In all cases, Bixby is very, very slow—plenty of videos online show how badly it lags behind Siri or Google Assistant.

It’s also fairly confusing. Most response bubbles include the baffling phrase, “You’re in native context.” And every so often, you’re awarded Bixby XP points for using Bixby. Samsung suggests that if you accumulate enough, you’ll be able to earn valuable prizes. OK, but if you have to bribe your customers to use your app…

Phone-control commands

Bixby may be super-lame at performing the usual voice-assistant commands. But to its credit, it can control your phone in some very literal ways that most other assistants can’t. For example:

Turn on the flashlight. (How great is that!?)

Take a selfie. (Bixby open the Camera app, turns on the front camera, and displays a three-second countdown. It’s terrific.)

Scroll down.

Go to the Home screen.

Open the Quick Settings panel.

Open Display in Settings.

Tap “blue light filter.”

Open the app drawer. (Bixby hears the command correctly, but displays the app store, and opens the keyboard for searching.)

Show me my apps? (Bixby asks, “Which one?” and lists three of them.)

Open the app tray. (Bixby invites you to change the grid-spacing settings for your apps.)

Yes, of course, it’s always faster to use your finger; Bixby does everything slowly. But sometimes, your hands are full, or your brain is full and you can’t remember how to get to something.

Compound commands

Where Bixby is supposed to shine, of course, is performing more elaborate commands that would leave its rivals in the dust.

Set an alarm called “Milk the cows” at 4:30 a.m., Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Crop my most recent photo.

Text my latest photo to mom. (Man, this one is so useful and reliable, it’s almost enough to make me forgive the rest of Bixby’s brokenness. Almost.)

Find the pictures I took today and put them into a folder called Summer Break. (Amazing!)

Open Voice Recorder and start recording.

Open Instagram and post my most recent photo, with the caption ‘Rainy Monday.’”

Open Facebook Messenger and send the message, “I’m running 20 minutes behind” to Christine. (If you have only one Christine in your Facebook contacts, opens the message-composition screen, but doesn’t fill in the message you specified.)

Open Facebook and post my latest photo. (Bixby gives that “slight hiccup” message.)

Bixby works only in apps that have been specially adapted to work with it. That includes 15 of the phone’s built-in apps—Gallery, Contacts, Phone, Settings, Messages, Camera, etc.— plus about 20 ‘Bixby Labs’ apps, which presumably means they’re still under development. They include Facebook (FB), Twitter (TWTR), WhatsApp, Gmail, Google Play Store, and so on.

Bixby not as Billed

It’s incredible that a company as global and deep-pocketed as Samsung would release software as half-baked as Bixby. True, the company has a long history of writing apps that only kind of work (cough *S Translator* cough). But something as important and essential to the phone—and to the company’s future—as Bixby? Come on.

Bixby will improve, of course. And some of the things that do work are so compelling and useful, Apple and Google should be ashamed not to have thought of them. “Turn on the flashlight” and “Text my most recent photo to Robin” are particularly brilliant.

For now, though, be grateful that your Samsung phone also has the “OK Google” assistant on it. You can use that for all the everyday queries that Bixby botches, and use Bixby for the few things it’s really good at. You just have to learn which assistant to trigger when.

As for the name Bixby? No, it’s not named after Bill Bixby, star of the 1978 “The Incredible Hulk” TV show; it’s named for a bridge in California. That turns out to be apropos, because surely not even the managers and underlings at Samsung believe that Bixby is a finished product. If anything, it’s only a temporary bridge—to, we hope, something much better.